Week 15 - The Dirty Little Secret
THE DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
We are so inspired by those who are the cream that have risen to the top.
We love Masterclasses and masterminds and masters of all kinds.
We LOVE the advice and quotes and stories of the successful and famous who have climbed the mountains we wish to climb.
And they have a dirty little secret.
One that we could NEVER imagine from our perspective.
And it’s time we let ourselves in on it, courtesy of Tennis champ Andre Agassi...
In Open: An Autobiography he tells us the secret he learned becoming a tennis phenom...
“I don’t feel like Wimbledon changed me. I feel, in fact, as if I’ve been let in on a dirty little secret: winning changes nothing. Now that I’ve won a slam, I know something that very few people on earth are permitted to know. A win doesn’t feel as good as a loss feels bad, and the good feeling doesn’t last as long as the bad. Not even close.”
Actually...we already know this...on some level....
Have you not have the experience of having a GREAT audition followed by a HORRID one and the only one you are still thinking about is.....
Have you not had an incredible performance followed by five GREAT reviews and then that one pesky BAD one and you are clinging to....
Have you been given a string of INCREDIBLE compliments and validations and then that one person says that one DIG and all you can hear in your head is....
We are REAL good at receiving the bad, the hard, the difficult... But we are REAL lousy at receiving and holding the good.
Do you notice how easy it is to deflect a compliment but to replay on constant something hurtful someone said of you?
How easy it is to BOOK THE JOB and be THRILLED and seconds later be thinking about the NEXT job....
Our joy is tough to receive and hold onto...
And we keep thinking that if we jus get more WINS, COMPLIMENTS or VALIDATIONS we will THEN be able to hold it.
They all go.
What has staying power is the bad. The negative. The hindering.
Our wiring, our conditioning, or nature... who truly knows. Perhaps it is different for all of us.
But what I heave learned, is that I could spend my whole life and all my energy trying to understand it or even change it, or I could accept it.
I can say, this is the dirty little secret of it all.
I don’t have to fix it. Or even like it.
And also...I can just get on with being a great artist.
If I KNOW the wins come and go and I can’t really hold onto the good of them, then say la vie! I will give MYSELF joy and validation and love. I will have pride for MYSELF for playing and showing up, win, lose or draw.
If I KNOW the bad stuff likes to cling and damage me then I say say la vie! I don’t have to read it, or listen, or attach my worth or value to it. I had the honor of doing an audition or making art, and what someone does with it or thinks of it is totally up to them! None of my business! And unless I am using their feedback for my growth and good, it is useless to even know about it.
So here is my response to being filled in on this dirty little secret of success.... THANK YOU.
Thank you for letting me know that winning and losing are both meaningless. Now I am off the hook.
Now I can just make art.
And express myself.
Now I can’t lose.
Because I am not playing to win.
I am playing so I can be a girl who plays.
This week, let’ devote to playing, for playings sake. So we can be champs.
Now we have our own secret :)