WEEK 3 - Those really dark places

We often say at C.R.E.A.T.E that “distraction is the death of dharma”.
That we distract ourselves with what is urgent not important or we say we value and
want to be an artist more than anything but our actions are not congruent with that. We
distract ourselves and it is the death of the fulfillment of our purpose.

But there is a deeper death that takes place in the heart of the artist.
A death by a thousand tiny cuts.
There are dark places the artist can find themselves in and once there coming through
becomes a full time job. These are the really dark places.

Boredom. Cynicism. Despair.

Bell says, “boredom is lethal. Boredom says there’s nothing interesting to make here.”

Boredom tells us nothing is interesting. We are not interesting. Life is already finished.

Many of us are so scared of boredom we keep ourselves distracted in busy work. Work
that gives the illusion of moving closer or caring about something but is really just
emotionally elusive and sabotaging. We are so scared to sit with ourselves and face
our own apathy for life that we create things to care about. We associate with dramatic
people. We get over involved in work we don’t care about. Have you been to a coffee
shop or ticket booth where the employee who is making minimum wage and has no
stake in the company they are working for takes that job on with full ego and control.
This may be the one place in their life they can control or have a sense of power so they
make sure everyone around knows it. At the end of the day they go home and complain
to their partner about how much they hate that job. They are investing in mastery and
dominion in something they don’t even like to avoid facing their own boredom and

Cynicism says Bell is just as lethal. “There’s nothing new to make here.”

It’s the know it all voice in your head that has seen it all. Been there done that. The
expert who tells you every idea is probably already out there and you are probably not
enough to bring it forward anyway. It tells you everything is stupid. A waste. It avoids
any vulnerability or intimacy always hiding in its distance from actually being IN
anything. It just ridicules and judges. The cynic Bell says is always born of pain. It was
hurt so it will never let that happen again. It is lethal because it will never let you be in
the game. It will always tell you it is too dangerous or there is no point.

“If you hold something at a distance and make fun of it, it can’t hurt you.” Rob Bell
Last but not least, good old despair. Despair is the one that says, “nothing we make

Who can possibly create anything now?

Bell says these three are not only bad for us but they are spiritual diseases.
I think back to when I tore my hip. It wasn't just painful. I couldn’t walk.
It wasn’t just that it would have been better if it wasn't like that.
Until I healed, I could not do, chase or go after ANYTHING.

If you are in any of these three dark places it is your job to say NO MORE.
I have to bring some light here.
I have gotten into this place because I was hurt, disappointed or rejected.
I placed my worth or value in the wrong place and I was let down.
This is not my death.
This is my wake up call.

It is not your ending.
It is your spiritual initiation.

YOU have the power to say, not one more day.
No knight in shining casting armor is coming.
YOU were sent to save yourself.
If you decide to.
The difference between a creator and a victim is this moment.
The choice.

You don’t have to know how to get out, you just have to say the pain of staying IN
is worse than the time, energy and commitment it will take to move somewhere

You have been given this one life.
Seek the light.


Jen Rudolph