what are you looking at?

Who you become as you look for something new might blow your mind.

Have you ever done one of those auditions where you stare down the barrel of the camera lens and have to act like there is a person there?  Have you felt yourself watching your own face in the lens instead of connecting beyond?  Have you struggled to know what you are "supposed" to be looking at while being acutely aware that the camera (aka lie detector) is picking up on every thought in your head and knows you are lying to it? 

I had such an audition recently.  And what is fun about awareness is that once you have any kind of awareness of a question..the answer is already revealing itself.

I have a fun game I like to play with myself.  Thus may demonstrate my crazy rather than any kind of wisdom but bear with me.  I often find myself listening to a voice in my head saying various things such as "why did you so that", "you are too much," "that didn't go well", "you're an idiot" etc.  

Recently I started a new practice.  The moment I have the awareness of the voice talking away at me I stop in my tracks and out loud (yes even on the subway or crowded street) I say "who's talking?"

Yes, I am aware I am now talking to myself and there is medication for that.

But "who's talking" is a transformative question.

It takes me out of obeying the voice as law and truth and puts me in position to know myself as the one who is listening.  As the listener I can choose how I want to respond.  As the observer I can see it as false, sabotaging, crazy or anything I want.  Because it isn't my higher self talking.  My higher self is listening.

In the same way it has been so powerful to rewire my thoughts with this practice, as I sat in this recent audition staring down the camera lens I asked myself "who am I looking at?"  And something magical happened.

Just to jump all the way to the end to keep your interest...I booked it :)

But that actually wasn't the magic.

The magic was, when I stopped trying to be a good or technical actor who was doing what the director wanted "right" I was able to see in the camera something I have never seen before....ANYTHING I WANTED!!!!!!!

I have imagination!!!!!

I am a creator!!!!!

Wait...WHAT?????

I had seriously never considered that I could see ANYTHING I wanted in that camera.  The camera is FREE of form!!!  You are staring into NOTHING, and so, you are staring into ANYTHING.

So the director told me I was sad.

GREAT!

Down the lens of that camera became my heartbreak.

What I missed.

Who I wished I was.

Then he told me I was happy.

WOAH.

I saw Paris.

I saw dancing with my best friend.

I saw love.

Then I had a very sneaky smile cross my face, and I heard from somewhere in the background said director "That's it!!!"

Oh wait - I forgot you were there.  I forgot there was a camera, or an audition.  I was lost in my looking.  Oh wait - that's what acting is.....

Can we be MORE INTERESTED IN DISCOVERING SOMETHING than KNOWING SOMETHING.

Can we be more curious about what we might be looking at then what is even there?

Can we be willing to let ourselves be transformed by the looking, so we know that whatever is really there is just the catalyst for our unfolding?

Deep.

So this week Elevate friends, let's have fun looking.

Look everywhere.

Look inside your creativity, your imagination, your play, your joy, your fun.

There is so much to find, and who you become as you look for something new might blow your mind, or get you a booking, or change your life.

Just saying.

You look good,

Natalie


Om WorkJen Rudolph